Divorce Education Resources

When approaching a divorce, there is a tremendous amount of information to explore and digest including:

• Information about children’s needs and adjustment.

• Information for reorganizing the finances of your life.

• Resources for navigating the legal process.

• Practical information and resources for communicating with your spouse

PRIMER: CALIFORNIA DIVORCE VIDEOS

Sherry Cassedy has produced a DVD entitled, The Smart Divorce: Approaching Marital Dissolution, which is available for purchase or watch the videos here.

It helps guide the viewer through some initial questions and then describes the various processes available for dealing with the legal issues, the advantages and disadvantages of each. It is helpful to be an informed consumer as you begin interfacing with legal and counseling professionals.

Articles on Conflict Resolution

Dynamics of Conflict Resolution

• Part 1: Managing Conflict

• Part 2: Settlement

• What to Expect: Mediation as Midwifery

Books

There are many excellent books available in the public library and the bookstores on the divorce transition. The following are recommended:

Reorganization on Many Levels

The Good Divorce, by Constance Aahrons.  In this book, Constance Aahrons discusses the potential for a constructive divorce, including the common interests of the parents in supporting the well-bing of the children by promoting the child’s relationship with the other parent. It is a positive perspective for parents who are feeling worried or guilt-ridden about the impact on their children.

The Divorce Book, Written by two psychologists and two lawyers decades ago, this book addresses the reality that divorce entails several processes including a legal divorce, a social divorce, an emotional divorce and a financial divorce.

Children’s Needs

It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear, by Vicki Lansky (also available in Spanish)
A classic book. Koko is a genderless bear, so it’s easy for both boys and girls to identify with him/her. Helpful notes to parents are included in the footer of each page. Part of the book deals with how Koko is feeling, and it encourages the kids to identify their own feelings. (With the help of this book, our then-3-1/2 year old son was able to tell me that he was confused and sad, but not angry or scared. Our coparent counselor was quite surprised that he was able to differentiate his emotions at such a granular level.) Good for probably preschool to 2nd grade. Until our daughter began transitioning away from the sadness that Koko feels (which made the book feel less relevant), she used to ask me to read this one the most often.

Mama and Daddy Bear’s Divorce, by Cornelia Maude Spelman
One of our favorites. Reinforces the important message that both parents will always be part of a child’s life, and that some other things (like the main character’s stuffed rabbit and her red sandals) will stay the same as well. Good for younger kids.

Two Homes, by Claire Masurel
A simple book that conveys a powerful message (the kids are loved no matter where they are) in a concrete way (this is what my room looks like at mom’s; this is what my room looks like at dad’s). Good for younger kids, aged 3-4.

All Families Are Special, by Norma Simon
A wonderful book that I found at the library. It acknowledges all types of families, including those with divorced parents, step-parents, single parents, multiple generations, gay parents, parents who are away travelling on business most of the time, etc. Our son’s preschool teacher thought it should be required reading for all teachers.

Mom’s House, Dad’s House, by Isolina Ricci.  This is a classic for helping parents learn to co-parent their children between households. Whether you share time on a fairly equal basis or not, Ricci addresses numerous practical issues about sharing time and sharing parenting between households.